I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
