didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
