i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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