my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
