How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
