I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
