FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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