I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
