i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
