Define "chronic" masturbator.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
