so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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