Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
bring money and cleavage
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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