I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
