i jhust puked up my retainher.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
