Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am puke
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
