You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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