i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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