Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
