Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
