It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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