Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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