I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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