Christians are straight up FREAKS
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
