If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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