Got a toothbrush?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
