would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
