i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
