What a fucking waste of an outfit
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize