You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
