Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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