I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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