Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
