Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
