Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
