I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
