I'm laying in your front yard are you home
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
