There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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