I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
