we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
