And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
