My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
