Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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