She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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