the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
