so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
