Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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