and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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