woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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