I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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