I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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