I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
