Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
