come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
