let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
