im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
