Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
