his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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