then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am mentally ready for anal.
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