what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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