I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
