I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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