I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
