Betty ford says i'm here all night
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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