His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
