I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
