Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
