I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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