The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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