alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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