i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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