you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We are all done wearing pants today
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
