honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
