Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
