Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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