Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
