$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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