I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
